Scenes from Nerima
by DigiSim
Summary: I decided to remove and repost this. Now all the installments that I wrote will be in one spot. If you like bloopers, outtakes and behind-the-scenes stuff, then this is for you.
1. Scenes from Nerima 4

Scenes from Nerima 4

The DigiSim Files

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**_The following fic was actually started by Dkun then continued by Gregg Sharp and after that, Stephen Schlueter. I don't really know how to get in contact with any of them and I hope that by writing this I'm not stepping on anyone's toes. Keep in mind these are bloopers and outtakes as well as behind-the-scenes footage that was never meant to be seen. It shows that even anime actors and actresses are still human, well sort of._**

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**"Here's Ranma" Revelation Scene Take 1**

**Tendo Sisters:** _FIANCE!!!_

_Nobody says anything afterwards. The silence continues to stretch._

**Director** _(off-camera)_**:** Damn it Soun, that's your cue!

**Soun** _(wiggling both index fingers in his ears and trying to pop them)_**:** What did you say? I think I've gone deaf.

**Director** _(sighs)_**:** Could someone get Soun a Q-tip.

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**Revelation Scene Take 12**

**Soun:** Recently he and his father returned from a trip to China.

**Nabiki:** Ooh, China.

**Akane:** What's so great about walking to China?

**Nabiki** _(looking at Akane)_**:** Why don't you ask Sister Christian over there? _(points her thumb at Kasumi)_

_Everyone on set stares at Nabiki._

**Nabiki:** What? Somebody had to say it sooner or later.

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**Revelation Scene Take 15**

**Kasumi:** I hope he's younger than me. I like breaking in virgins.

_Everyone on set stares at Kasumi._

**Kasumi:** That's not the line, is it?

_Everyone in the studio, including the union workers, facefault._

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**Revelation Scene Take 16**

**Kasumi:** I hope he's not younger than me. Younger men are so............line?

_Everyone facefaults again._

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**Revelation Scene Take 18**

**Nabiki** _(holding one of Ranma-chan's breasts)_**:** Does _this_ look like a boy to you?

**Ranma-chan:** If you're going to do that, you should at least buy me dinner first.

_Akane and Kasumi crack up._

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**Revelation Scene Take 20**

**Nabiki:** Does _this_ look like a boy to you?

**Ranma-chan** _(gets a sultry look on her face and moans seductively)_**:** Oh Nabi-chan, I didn't know you liked me so much. Let's get naked right now.

**Nabiki:** _GAAH!!! (yanks her hand away from Ranma-chan's breast)_

_Soun and Genma-panda join in the laughter._

**Director** _(sounding agitated)_**:** Enough fooling around!

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**Furo Scene Take 3**

**Ranma:** Maybe I should just go out like this?

_Ranma stands up and places his foot on the tile floor. The tile is wet and he slips backwards, cracking his head against the wall and slides back into the furo._

**Director** _(sounding panicked)_**:** _MEDIC!!!_

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**Furo Scene Take 10**

**Ranma:** Maybe I should just go out like this?

_Ranma stands and places his foot on the tile floor. The door slides open and there stands a nude Akane._

_Akane's eyes roam over Ranma's naked form before she drops to her knees, clasps her hands in prayer and looks up to the ceiling._

**Akane** _(shouting)_**:** Thank You God, Thank You!!!

_Everyone within earshot laughs._

**Director** _(sounding exasperated)_**:** Oh hell.

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**Furo Scene Take 13**

_Ranma and Akane stare at each other. Ranma fully steps out of the furo while Akane crosses over to him. They embrace and start to make out right away._

**Director** _(now pissed)_**:** _DAMN IT ALL, STOP THAT!!!_ You're brother and sister for crying out loud!

**Ranma and Akane** _(looking at the director)_**:** So?

**Nabiki** _(heard off-camera)_**:** I wish Ranma was my brother.

**Kasumi** _(also off-camera)_**:** I agree with you. His name sure suits him too.

**Director:** Someone get me some Pepto-Bismol.

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**Fearful Scream Take 1**

_Akane takes a big breath then starts coughing._

**Akane:** Could I get some water please?

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**Fearful Scream Take 4**

_Akane starts screaming while the camera zooms in on her face. The camera keeps going and Akane gets smacked into the door, knocking her unconscious._

**Ranma and Director** _(sounding panicked)_**:** _MEDIC!!!_

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**Panicking Akane Take 1**

**Akane:** There's a _pervert_ in the bathroom!

**Nabiki:** How can that be? You're out here.

**Akane:** Oh ha freaking ha Nabiki.

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**Panicking Akane Take 7**

**Akane:** There's a _pervert_ in the bathroom!

**Nabiki:** Why didn't you take care of him?

**Akane:** Because I couldn't find daddy's condoms!

**Soun:** That reminds me, I'll need to stock up before I go to Soap Land.

_The director facefaults._

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**Introductions Scene Take 2**

**Soun:** This is my good friend…

**Genma:** Gendo Ikari and this is my son…

**Ranma:** Shinji.

_The Tendo sisters crack up._

**Director** _(mumbling quietly to himself)_**:** My mom said I should be a C.P.A. but I said no. I wanted to be a director. _What_ was I _thinking_?

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_The scene opens in an ice skating rink. Akane and Ranma are standing around when a loud explosion is heard. A far-off wall explodes and a purple-haired girl is revealed. She coughs and falls over in a faint._

**Prop-Man:** I think I used too many explosives.

**Everybody but Shampoo:** You _think_?

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_The same rink. The same explosion reveals the same purple-haired girl._

**Shampoo:** Aiyaa! Ranma take Shampoo on date?

**Ranma:** Shampoo, that's far later in the series. You're not supposed to fall for me till I beat you. Besides, I'm already banging Akane.

**Shampoo** _(looking miffed)_**:** Oh _Crap_ Merry Christmas!

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_The Tendos, the Amazons, the Saotomes and Ryoga are all seated around a round table eating lunch and going over their scripts. Akane looks up and glares at Ryoga._

**Akane:** _God_ Ryoga, how can you just _sit_ there and shovel ham salad down your throat like that? Isn't that like _cannibalism_? It's _disgusting._

**Ryoga** _(looking up)_**:** Just because I turn into a pig doesn't mean I'm going to change what I eat. It doesn't really bother me anyway.

**Genma:** He's got a point. Even though I turn into a panda doesn't mean I'm going to go out to the zoo looking for lunch though. Besides, pandas are endangered.

**Mousse:** I still like to eat duck on rare occasions.

**Ranma:** And I like to eat out girls, but I'm not going to stop because I sometimes am one.

**Shampoo:** And I happen to like Malaysian cooking.

**Akane:** But what about the fat content? What about your heart?

**Ryoga:** Don't worry Akane. This salad is Lo-Fat.

**Shampoo:** Lo-Fat? I think I dated him in junior high.

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_The view is of a hallway obviously being shot with a camcorder. It's a little shaky because the camera operator is walking down the hall. There are doors all on the left-side wall. On each door is a star with a cast members name on it._

_The camera view stops at an open door where the name_ 'Nodoka' _is on the star. Nodoka is inside fully nude and masturbating. There are pictures of Ranma in both forms propped up on the dressing table and it's obvious Nodoka is using them for inspiration._

_The camera shifts position slightly due to the operator moving one hand down somewhere. Cloth is heard rustling and the sound of pants dropping seems to echo down the hall. Nodoka doesn't notice. Pretty soon, the sound of skin sliding against skin rapidly is picked up by the camera's microphone. Panting is also picked up._

_The operator, definitely male, and Nodoka seem to get into an unconscious rhythm. Grunting and moans are heard from both. Nodoka looks to her left and sees the guy running the camera but doesn't stop. Watching him watch her seems to spur her on to frig herself faster. The cameraman follows suit. Watching each other pushes them both over the edge faster._

**Nodoka** _(panting with exhaustion)_**:** Ranma, you were right. Being watched is a real turn-on.

**Ranma** _(heard off-camera panting as well)_**:** Did you ever really doubt me mom?

**Nodoka:** Not really. We'll have to bring your sister Akane in on this soon. Now come here son, mommy wants to give her handsome man a tongue bath.

**Ranma** _(sounding lecherous)_**:** Yes mommy.

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_The Tendo tea room. Genma is reading a newspaper lying across the table while Nabiki and Kasumi play cards. Nabiki is losing badly but isn't bothered by this fact. Muffled moans drift in from somewhere._

**Kasumi** _(paying attention to the game)_**:** There they go again. Those people are insatiable.

**Nabiki** _(also paying attention)_**:** You're telling _me_? I found all three of them once in the nurse's office at the Furinkan set. It looked like they had been going for _hours._ They had to suspend shooting my scene with Kuno to clean up all the puddles.

**Genma** _(paying attention to his paper)_**:** There is one thing you can say about them daughter, they are a very close knit family.

**Nabiki:** I _know_, but it still holds up production sometimes. If this keeps up, the series won't make it past four seasons.

**Kasumi:** Soun and I keep acting like newlyweds ever since we got married a few years ago, but at least _we_ can show restraint. I hope Takahashi-san doesn't fire them though. Soun and I _really_ need the money right now.

**Kuno** _(walking in from the kitchen)_**:** You're not kidding Kasumi. I just wish Ryoga and I could move into a better neighborhood. Too bad I only play a rich man on TV.

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_Furinkan__High School__. Akane and Ranma are standing in the hall holding buckets of water._

**Akane** _(fuming)_**:** This is all _your_ fault! If _you_ hadn't interfered in _my_ fight, _I_ wouldn't have been _late!_

**Ranma:** _My_ fault!?! That Kuno guy challenged me. I couldn't, um I couldn't…remember my lines to save my ass right now.

_Akane, Ranma and Kuno around the corner burst out laughing._

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**Ryoga:** _RYOGA HIBIKI, BECAUSE OF YOU I'VE SEEN HELL!!!_

**Ranma:** At least you can finally admit it's _your_ fault, right?

**Ryoga** _(looking sheepish)_**:** Oops.

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**Azusa****:** Charlotte! Come to Mommy!

**Akane:** Um, Azusa, that's not Ryoga. That's a rat.

**Azusa** _(shrieking)_**:** Oh _GOD! SOMEONE CALL AN EXTERMINATOR! (runs off screaming)_

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_Mousse, while in disguise, tries to snag Akane in his chains to take her to be cursed by water from the Spring of Drowned Duck. He of course snags the stuffed pig in her arms but can't tell the difference because of his poor eyesight. Exactly how many times did it take to get it right?_

**Take 1**

_Mousse sends his chains out. There is a sound of metal hitting flesh and a muffled scream of pain off-camera._

**Mousse:** Oops, sorry Mr. Director.

**Take 5**

_Mousse sends his chains out. He reels them in and reveals he's holding Ranma's shirt._

**Ranma:** Mousse you _Jerk!_ My mother gave me that!

Mousse: Sorry Ranma.

**Take 7**

_Mousse sends his chains out. He reels them in and reveals he's holding __Cologne__._

**Cologne****:** Try again Mousse honey.

**Mousse:** Sorry grandma. _(he kisses her on the cheek in a show of affection)_

**Cologne****:** That's okay dear.

**Take 11**

_Mousse sends his chains out. He reels them in to reveal he's holding a stuffed pig. This one is green however and not pink._

**Mousse:** Well, at least I'm getting close.

**Take 18**

_Mousse sends his chains out. He reels them in to reveal he's holding Usagi Tsukino._

**Usagi:** What the _Hell?_ Let me go!

**Ranma:** You heard her Mousse! Get your hands off my wife!

**Mousse:** Sorry Usagi.

**Take 29**

_A potted plant holding Tsubasa Kurenai._

**Take 33**

_Makoto Kino._

**Take 36**

_Pantyhose Taro._

**Take 40**

_A mailbox also holding Tsubasa Kurenai._

**Take 56**

_The director._

**Director:** You're skating on thin ice you know.

**Mousse** _(gulps)_**:** Sorry sir.

**Take 60**

_A pink stuffed pig. Too bad it's not the one Akane is still holding._

**Take 69**

_A collection of hentai manga and anime. He uses Hidden Weapons to hold onto them,_ *ahem* _in case someone lost them. Yeah, that's the ticket._

**Take 72**

_Cologne__ again._

**Take 75**

_Ranma._

**Take 80**

_Nodoka holding a Danish in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. She looks very surprised. Wouldn't_ you _if this was how your breakfast was interrupted?_

**Take 93**

_Akane._

**Mousse:** Well, at least my aim is improving.

**Take 115**

_Success, sort of. Along with the pig, Akane's dress goes with it. Not to mention her underwear. She runs off screaming to her trailer._

**Mousse:** Sorry Akane!

**Take 953**

_True success. Unfortunately, Mousse's arms are so tired from playing catch-and-release all day that holding the pig is too much for him and he collapses in a heap._

**Director:** I think we should call it a day.

_Everyone groans in agreement._

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Well, that's it for now. Do I really need to say that the characters in this fic don't really belong to me? I didn't think so. If anyone has any ideas they would like to see added to this just email them to me. If they work out, I'll put them in and give you credit for contributing. I hope this gives a few people a laugh or two. If you want to read the first three 'Scenes from Nerima' fics, just go to e has them. Again, I hope you liked this little romp. Remember my motto though, "My fic, my rules." See you in the funny papers.


	2. Scenes from Nerima 5

Scenes from Nerima 5

The DigiSim Files

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**_Well, here we go again. To think that I would be lucky enough to find so many bloopers, outtakes and behind-the-scenes footage is just amazing. I figure that I should spread it out since there is so much. I'm also including some material from my first fic interspersed throughout this offering. I'd like to thank Dkun for starting all this and Gregg Sharp and Stephen Schlueter for continuing it. This continues to show that even anime actors and actresses are still human, well sort of. Here we go folks._**

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_A typical scene in the Tendo home. The Tendos and Genma-panda are seated around the table in the tea room, eating dinner. P-chan comes in from the left-hand side of the screen, squealing his head off. Akane turns around and pork butt leaps into her arms._

**Akane** _(sounding worried)_**:** P-chan, what's wrong baby?

**P-chan** _(opening his mouth)_**:** _BRAAAAAAPPPPP!!!_

_Everybody at the table laughs._

**Nabiki** _(while laughing)_**:** Jeez Ryoga, what did you have for lunch? You should really lay off the spicy food.

_P-chan blushes in embarrassment._

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_The same scene as before. P-chan enters squealing and leaps into Akane's arms._

**Akane** _(sounding worried)_**:** P-chan, what's wrong baby?

_Ranma enters from the left side of the screen on tiptoe. He is wearing a khaki hunting jacket, a tall khaki hunter's cap, heavy boots and carrying a single-barreled shotgun. The shotgun is obviously made of rubber as the barrel droops slightly and bounces with each step. Ranma is clutching it firmly as if it were real. He then turns to the camera._

**Ranma** _(with a speech impediment)_**:** Shhhh, be vewwy vewwy qwiet. _I'm_ hunting P-chan. _Ahuhuhuhuhuhu._

_Everyone falls down laughing at this, even the director._

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**The Truth Revealed Outtakes Scene 1**

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Over at the closed but not empty Nekohanten, Hikaru Gosunkugi was inside, sitting at a table slurping down a bowl of ramen.  Shampoo was under the table, slurping something else. Suddenly, there was a sound of something hitting the underside of the table hard and very obvious as well as _loud_ swearing in Mandarin.

**Hikaru and Director:** Shampoo, are you okay?

**Shampoo** _(sounding agitated)_**:** _Hell no!_ I banged my head. I guess that'll teach me to not get so excited the next time.

**Hikaru:** I kind of liked what you were doing honey.

**Shampoo:** I meant while under a table love. Could someone get me some aspirin and an ice pack?

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**The Truth Revealed Outtakes Scene 2**

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Kasumi was in the laundry room, leaning against the running dryer and thinking back to her first time with Ranma, or at least the event that lead to it. The alarm for the dryer goes off right then with a loud buzzing, startling Kasumi. Laughter can be heard off-stage.

**Kasumi** _(sounding pissed)_**:** Oh _shut up_ Akane!

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**The Truth Revealed Outtakes Scene 3**

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"Mimi, what are you doing?" Turning her head to look at who came in, she saw it was her savior Hikaru. Giving out a mew of query and then turning back to her picture, Gos realized correctly that she was curious. "I see you've found the picture of my lavender haired goddess of desire. Damn, I gotta stop hanging around Kuno." Hikaru was slightly startled when the kitten looked on him with what seemed to be amusement. Deciding to fill her in, he picked Mimi up in one hand, the picture in the other and sat down on his bed. Hikaru started to unzip his fly when the director started to yell at him.

**Director:** Hikaru, stop right now! This isn't a lemon! Besides, I doubt that will fit in her.

**Hikaru:** Sure it will. We've done it before while Shampoo was a cat. Where do you think the inspiration for _'Gonna Feel It in the Morning'_ came from?

_Off stage, there are the sounds of people being violently ill, except for Ranma saying Hikaru wasn't the first one to do that with Shampoo that way. Hikaru and Shampoo-neko just look at each other with a_ 'What's their problem?' _look on their faces._

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_The view is of a hallway obviously being shot with a camcorder. It's a little shaky because the camera operator is walking down the hall. There are doors all on the left-side wall. On each door is a star with a cast members name on it. Ranma is at it again._

_The camera view stops at an open door where the name_ 'Shampoo' _is on the star. Looking inside shows a green-haired girl in a tiger print two-piece bikini standing in front of the dressing table and studying her reflection. The girl, who seems to be Lum, looks odd. Zooming in on her face shows that her ears aren't pointed and she is missing her horns. The view zooms out to show more of Lum again. Seeming to respond to some sort of noise, she turns to the camera and screams in fright._

**Lum** _(obviously angry)_**:** _RANMA_, what are you _DOING?!?_

**Ranma** _(heard off-camera)_**:** Shampoo, since when are you an otaku?

**Shampoo:** Since _never_ you twit. What gave you that idea?

**Ranma:** That outfit of yours for one. What's the deal?

**Shampoo** _(sighing in resignation)_**:** I guess the secret's out. I _am_ Lum. Or at least, I took over the role for my twin sister ever since she had that accident during her skiing trip that got both her legs broken. Believe it or not, she is kind of glad I took over. And it gets me two paychecks.

**Ranma:** I guess _that_ explains how you can afford that Lamborghini out in the parking lot.

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**The Truth Revealed Outtakes Scene 4**

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Late that night, Gos was relaxing in the furo when the door opened. Looking up, he saw it was Mimi. "Mimi, what are you doing in here?" Without giving him time to try to get her to leave, Shampoo leapt into the furo. Or at least she tried to. A puddle of water caused Shampoo to slip and slide into the furo. Breaking through the surface, Shampoo starts coughing and is grasping her head.

**Director:** Shampoo, you all right? Do you need to see the studio doctor?

**Shampoo:** No, I'll be fine. Just smacked my head on the bottom of the furo is all. I seem to get into more accidents lately. And now I need _more_ aspirin.

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**The Truth Revealed Outtakes Scene 5**

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Over at the Kuno compound, also lovingly dubbed by the locals as _Maniac Mansion_, Tatewaki Kuno was playing with his sword. He was also practicing with his bokken. Hearing footsteps behind him, he whirled around in what he thought of as a dramatic display that just made him dizzy and a little nauseous. His vision a little blurred thanks to his dizziness, Tatewaki started to spew his usual drivel. "Hold base commoner, know thee now that you have trespassed into the home of the noble Clan Kuno!" You could just hear the capitals. "You would do well to retreat like the lowly cur you obviously are lest thou taste of my mighty blade!" Insert impressive yet pointless lightning strike here. "Very well, I have given fair warning! Now prepare to be brought low by my…Oh, Ryoga it's you. I'm sorry; my sight was a little blurry from spinning around so fast. How have you been?" Vision clearing, Tatewaki could clearly see it was indeed Ryoga Hibiki, his only true friend.

"Hey Tate-chan, I've missed you. My but you do look handsome today. Gimme some sugar." With a naughty grin revealing one fang, pig-boy, I mean Ryoga, took the kendoist into his arms and they shared a very deep soul kiss while grasping and massaging each others asses and grinding their crotches together. Pretty soon, their kissing started to get more and more heated as their hands started to roam over each other's bodies.

**Director** _(sounding pissed)_**:** _GET A ROOM!!!_

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_While trapped in the clutches of the Golden Pair performing the Goodbye Whirl, Ranma and Akane are arguing. Akane keeps trying to get Ranma to let her go and Ranma keeps trying to convince her she's being stupid about it. All of a sudden, __Azusa__ gets dizzy and ends up sending Ranma and Akane flying towards the far wall. Ranma slams into it first and Akane slams into him. They both collapse to the ice, knocked unconscious by the collision. Almost immediately, snickers are heard coming from the audience, which grow in volume to full-blown laughter. Even though it's supposed to be a dramatic scene, the director joins in on the hilarity. Akane lifts her head, wondering why everybody is laughing and sees the reason right away. She can't help but laugh too._

**Ranma** _(waking up)_**:** What's so damn funny?

**Akane** _(having trouble talking)_**:** Y-y-you're _Bwahahahaha! Hee-hee-hee!_ Oh man, this is _classic!_

_Azusa__ skates over and drops something on Ranma's chest. It's his pants._

**Ranma:** Oh, no wonder my ass was so cold.

_Everybody ends up laughing harder at this statement, with Ranma joining in._

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**Mousse:** _RANMA, PREPARE TO DIET!_

**Ranma:** Are you calling me _fat_, duck-boy?

**Director:** Try again.

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**Mousse:** _RANMA, PREPARE TO FLY!_

**Ranma:** Do I need a boarding pass?

**Director:** Again please.

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**Mousse:** _RANMA, PREPARE TO CRY!_

**Ranma:** How, are you going to show me your paycheck?

**Director:** _Oy Vey._

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**Furo Scene Again Take 3**

_Ranma-chan is grumbling to herself about_ 'uncute tomboys' _while stripping. She heads to the door to go into the main part of the furoba. Akane opens the door, also nude and sees Ranma-chan. Akane leaps forward, wrapping her arms around Ranma-chan's back and her legs around her waist while rubbing her face into Ranma-chan's cleavage._

**Akane** _(shouting but a little muffled)_**:** _SWEETO!!! COME TO MAMA!!!_

**Ranma-chan:** Jeez, and everybody calls _me_ a pervert.

_Everybody cracks up, even the director._

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**Furo Scene Again Take 4**

_Ranma-chan is grumbling to herself about_ 'uncute tomboys' _while stripping. She heads to the door to go into the main part of the furoba. Akane opens the door, also nude and sees Ranma-chan. She swings her hand back to slap Ranma and accidentally hits the wall a little too hard on the backswing._

**Akane** _(in pain)_**:** _EEEYYOOOWWWWWCCCCHHHHH!!!_

**Ranma-chan:** Can somebody bring a First-Aid kit?

**Director** _(sighs)_**:** I can just see the headlines now. _'New Series Cancelled Due To Medical Mishaps.'_ We are _so_ screwed if this keeps up.

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_Ranma and Akane are sitting on the porch that looks out on the backyard of the Tendo home. The camera is somewhat behind them showing the hallway._

**Ranma:** You know Akane, I've been wondering.

**Akane:** What about Ranma?

_Genma-panda enters from the left side of the screen on a unicycle while juggling three rainbow-colored balls. He has a miniature sign strapped to his head that reads_ 'Will do tricks for bamboo.' _He cycles off to the right while still juggling._

**Ranma:** What is it about Nerima that makes things so _strange_?

**Akane:** _Strange_? What do you mean by _strange_?

_Soun enters from the right in a bright pink ballet outfit, complete with tutu. He toe steps with his arms raised to the middle of the screen, does two pirouettes then leaps off to the left. The sound of breaking wood, shattering glass and a cat screeching is heard off-camera._

**Akane:** Why did you shudder just now?

**Ranma:** I don't know. Just must have been a chill breeze I guess.

_Kasumi enters from the left dressed like she would fit in at Sturgis. She is wearing scuffed bikers' boots, blue jeans, black leather chaps, a black leather sleeveless vest and a black T-shirt that says_ 'Don't Piss Me Off' _in big red letters on it. She is scratching her ass with her right hand, trying to dislodge her underwear. She stops in the middle of the screen with a bewildered expression on her face while scratching her head with the same hand she was using to get rid of her wedgie. She shrugs and walks off to the right._

**Ranma:** What was I saying?

**Akane:** Something about Nerima being strange.

_Mousse enters from the right, sits down in the middle of the screen, pulls out a miniature piano from his robes, sets it down on the floor and starts to play a slightly upbeat tune. P-chan enters from the left, climbs up on the piano and starts to dance on it. Mousse glares at P-chan and suddenly yanks the piano out from under him which sends The Other White Meat tumbling back the way he came. Mousse stands up, sticks his piano under his arm and sulks off to the left while muttering under his breath about pork ramen._

**Ranma:** Oh yeah, _now_ I remember.

**Akane:** So what exactly was it that you meant?

_Nabiki enters from the left backwards. She is dressed like Luke Skywalker from the first_ 'Star Wars' _movie. She is swinging a lightsaber around, parrying the strikes of someone off-screen. As she backs up more, Nodoka, dressed like Obi-Wan Kenobi, enters and continues to spar with Nabiki. She parries a thrust from Nabiki which sends the shorthaired sexy Jedi-in-training's blade towards Ranma and Akane's necks._

**Ranma:** Hey Akane, check _this_ out.

**Akane:** What _is_ that?

_The blade passes over the both of them as they bend over at the waist to peer at something on the ground. Nabiki regains control of her lightsaber while Nodoka continues her advance. They both exit to the right, parrying each others moves. Luckily for Nabiki, she doesn't fall down even if she is still going backwards._

**Ranma:** Never mind, I thought it was a diamond or something. Guess I was wrong.

**Akane:** Too bad it wasn't. It would help with the bills.

_Genma-panda enters from the right, still on the unicycle and still juggling. The sign on his head now reads_ 'I'm available for weddings, children's parties and Bar Mitzvahs. Contact G. Saotome at the Tendo Dojo for information.' _He cycles off to the left._

**Ranma:** Anyway, like I was saying. Take Kuno for instance. He made that stupid speech and then almost all the guys at the school tried to beat you up for a date. I doubt _that's_ normal.

**Akane:** Please, _don't_ remind me.

_Miss Hinako, in her child form, walks in from the left and stands in the middle of the screen, facing the camera and smiling while wearing a barely-there red two-piece string bikini. She starts doing muscleman poses. While doing_ 'The Crab', _the strings of her bikini snap and the suit drops to the floor. She shrieks in surprise and runs off to the right. The speed of her departure causes a vacuum effect which makes her bikini quickly scuttle along the floor after her._

**Ranma:** Then there is his squirrel's picnic of a sister. What kind of person keeps an alligator for a pet anyway?

**Akane:** Squirrel's picnic?

_Nabiki and Nodoka enter again. They are still sparring with lightsabers but Nabiki is now dressed as Luke from_ 'The Empire Strikes Back', _in the flight suit he wore. Nodoka is dressed as Darth Vader but without the helmet. They keep moving to the left and exit._

**Ranma:** I mean she's nuts.

**Akane:** _Oh._

_Kuno strolls in from the left while reading a book entitled_ 'How to Win Friends and Influence People.' _As he exits to the right, if anyone had been paying attention they would have commented how well the Sailor Mars costume he's wearing shows off his legs._

**Ranma:** I could go on all day about the strange things here in Nerima but there's one thing I like about living here at the dojo.

**Akane:** What's that?

**Ranma:** Everyone _here_ is somewhat normal. Shall we go?

**Akane:** Sure.

_As they stand, it's revealed that Ranma and Akane are wearing bunny-girl outfits. Even though Ranma is a guy just then doesn't bother him._

**Ranma:** It's a good thing we found those jobs to attract customers to that new Playboy Club restaurant.

**Akane:** I'm surprised you bring in more customers than I do while you're a guy.

**Ranma:** Like I told you Akane. Nerima is strange.

_She finally agrees with him as they exit to the left and the scene fades to black._

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**Mousse:** _RANMA, PREPARE TO_ oh the hell with it. I give up.

**Ranma:** Took you long enough.

**Director:** I need a drink.

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**Kuno:** Akane Tendo, I would mate with you!

**Akane:** Sorry buddy, you're not my type.

_The director starts to cry._

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_Ranma and Ryoga are at the bottom of a crater that was created by Ryoga at Furinkan. Ryoga has just let off a huge Shi Shi Hokodan and Ranma tries to distract him._

**Ranma** _(pointing and looking to his right)_**:** Look, I can see Akane's panties!

_Ryoga turns to look._

**Akane** _(yelling)_**:** Ranma you idiot! I'm not _wearing_ any panties! _Oops._

_Everybody facefaults at this announcement._

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**The Truth Revealed Outtakes Scene 6**

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"I remember thinking to myself, 'What would a beautiful and intelligent girl like her ever see in a loser like me?'" Shampoo, moved by the comment, put her delicate paw on the hand holding her photo and mewed in support. Looking down, Gos smiled gratefully. "Thanks Mimi. You always know how to cheer me up." Shampoo mewed back a feline 'You're Welcome' and batted at the picture. Doing so made her lose her balance, fall off his lap and prove that cats don't always land on their feet. She then gave out a pitiful mew that translated to _'Someone up there must hate me.'_

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**The Truth Revealed Outtakes Scene 7**

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Taking a sip of his now cold tea, Tofu let what he said sink in. Finally Nabiki asked, "So who was it you were in love with? Did you figure that out?" Looking at her directly in the eyes he said, "It was you and Akane." Everyone else gasped at that. Then Akane started to cough and Genma started to pound on her back.

**Akane** _(clearing her throat)_**:** I'm fine, I'm fine. Tea just went down the wrong way is all.

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Author's Notes:

I think this is enough for now. I still don't own any of the characters used here, just the ideas. If I did, the royalties alone would probably get me that private island I've always wanted. Anyway, I was hoping that people would email me with blooper ideas but nobody did. Drag. Oh well. Reviews are always appreciated, for all my fics that is. I'm still working on some and I just might be coming out with an extra chapter or two of 'A Different Kind of Truth.' Don't hold your breath though. My muse sometimes hates me. For those of you that don't know what 'The Crab' pose is, just think of what a normal crab looks like. Either that or think of the pose that Hulk Hogan sometimes does. That is 'The Crab'. As always, don't forget my motto, "My fic, my rules." See you in the funny papers.


	3. Scenes from Nerima 6

Scenes from Nerima 6

The DigiSim Files

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**_As always, my thanks go out to Andrew Eoff, a.k.a. Dkun, for starting this fic as well as Gregg Sharp and Stephen Schlueter for continuing it. I also want to thank burgerbill, Carrotglace, Hung Nguyen and kokatsu na tenshi for giving their permission to let me use some of their fics as blooper material. I'd be out of ideas in no time otherwise. Let the silliness begin._**

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**Nodoka:** Ranma, that wasn't very manly of you.

**Ranma:** Mom, please get off my ass.

_The cast and crew break out in laughter._

**Ranma** _(sounding a little surprised)_**:** You know that came out…so naturally.

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**Kuno:** Were I to count the clock that tells the time and see the brave day sunk into hideous night that I…who the hell has been messing with my script?

_Ranma is seen tiptoeing off in the background with an evil grin on his face while the rest of the cast laugh._

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_A red rubber ball with a black elastic loop trailing from it and two tiny feet is seen scuttling quickly along the floor in front of Ranma and Akane in the hall of Furinkan._

**Akane:** What the hell was that?

**Ranma:** A running gag.

_Everybody groans._

**Ranma:** _What?_

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**Sailor Ranko Just Add Water Outtakes Scene 1**

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Ranma sighed for the third time. He sat in the little dining room table of his Juuban apartment clutching the letter he got from Juuban High School. Akane just shook her head. "You know Ranma, the note you got from Dr. Tofu was going to be questioned sooner or later. C'mon, did you think that a 'Back Problem' was an excuse they would buy forever?"

**Ranma:** Sure I did, especially if you think about what we do all day.

_Akane blushes._

**Director** _(groaning)_**:** Ranma, I thought we discussed this. Stop bringing up what you do with your sister.

**Ranma:** Sorry sir.

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**Sailor Ranko Just Add Water Outtakes Scene 2**

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Ranma sighed for the third time. He sat in the little dining room table of his Juuban apartment clutching the letter he got from Juuban High School. Akane just shook her head. "You know Ranma, the note you got from Dr. Tofu was going to be questioned sooner or later. C'mon, did you think that a 'Back Problem' was an excuse they would buy forever?"

Ranma knew what this meant. He was going to have to attend gym classes. As a martial artist, he would have welcomed anything that would have allowed him to train and maintain his body. But his curse had a dark side and he wanted to avoid the problems he had while at Furinkan. "Well, I'm getting an exam from the school nurse today. If I pass, I will be in gym shorts in the afternoon."

_Akane starts drooling._

**Director** _(whining slightly)_**:** _Why_ did Takahashi-san have to hire these _perverts_?

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**Sailor Ranko Just Add Water Outtakes Scene 3**

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"Mr. Saotome! Please come in here." The school nurse called Ranma into the little nursing station. Ranma earlier in the day was trying out different ways to intentionally throw out his back, dislocate his shoulder or annoy Akane to beat him senseless. He wanted to fail this exam.

The nurse took one look at Ranma and knew that the note from Dr. Tofu must have been a misunderstanding. Ranma was a prime specimen of maleness. His chest was solid muscle and his arms were fully defined. He had no trace of fat on him and looked like he could take on Rambo without trying. The nurse wondered why a person like this would want to be excused from gym class. "Please remove your shirt." She pulled out a stethoscope to listen to his heart.

The nurse had to resist wanting to run off with Ranma right then and there. She saw his bare chest and wanted to bury herself in it. She calmed down a bit and held the stethoscope against his ribs listening to his lungs. "Inhale. Exhale." Lungs were fine, heart rate was low but that was because he was in prime physical condition. She then slipped her hand down the front of his pants and started fondling him.

**Director** _(getting upset)_**:** _What_ do you think you're doing?

**Nurse:** Um, checking him for a hernia?

**Director** _(sighs)_**:** First of all, a high school nurse _doesn't_ do that, secondly he needs to be nude from the waist down, and third what did you do with the real nurse Nodoka?

**Nodoka** _(sounding surprised)_**:** How did you know it was me?

**Director:** Your wig is slipping.

**Nodoka:** _Oh._

**Director** _(mumbling to himself)_**:** Maybe I should have signed up to direct 'Urusei Yatsura.' I doubt any of _that_ cast has perverts in it.

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**Sailor Ranko Just Add Water Outtakes Scene 4**

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"What's wrong with Ranma?" Makoto asked Akane.

Akane stared at the grass. "Have you thought about what life is like for Ranma with that curse of his?"

Ranko gave out a scream from inside the ladies' restroom. _"WHAT!? IT'S BROKEN!"_ She bolted from the restroom and ran to the cafeteria.

Minako saw where Ranko was going, "I guess the hot water isn't working in the restroom."

Ranko got to the cafeteria and cried out, "I need some hot water! Can I get some?"

The attendant looked at Ranko with fear. This redhead was psychotic, "We're closed." Ranko stomped the ground and threw her cup down. _"ARGH!"_ She took a few deep breaths and slowly spoke with an air of defeat, "I guess it's time to face the music." Ranko walked off to class holding her head down with the excitement of a woman walking towards a guillotine.

Akane held back the other girls. "Rei, you should be ashamed of yourself."

**Rei:** I should?

**Usagi** _(growling)_**:** Rei, _quit_ picking on my _husband!_

_The director starts sobbing._

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**Sailor Ranko Just Add Water Outtakes Scene 5**

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The teacher rubbed his temples, "Miss, you will be reporting to the principal's office if you don't stop this nonsense. Now, for the last time, what is your name?"

"Fine! My name is Little Red Riding Hood! I'm hiding from the Big Bad Wolf!" She crossed her arms and her face went flush with anger.

"That's it!" He turned to Akane, "Akane, please escort this troublemaker to the principal's office." He stormed off to his desk and filled out a hall pass. Akane stood up and held out her hand to Ranko. Ranko didn't get up. She stayed at her desk.

The teacher handed the hall pass to Akane and shot a look of disapproval to Ranko. "Miss, please leave my classroom!" He turned to Akane, "Akane, find your husband and get him in here or he will be given a detention alongside this troublemaker."

Akane started twitching her eyebrows, "That troublemaker is my _HUSBAND!_"

He looked at Ranko and back to Akane. "What sort of joke is this? It is not funny and it's very disrespectful. Why are you trying to pass this off as some sort of excuse for Ranma to miss this class?"

Ranko stood up, "We have magical girls running around town blowing up youma and you can't accept the fact that I have a curse that changes me into _THIS!_"

**Teacher:** Oh, good point. Okay then.

**Director:** You're _not_ supposed to agree with that.

**Teacher:** I'm not?

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**Akane** _(shouting)_**:** _SAOTOME, FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO SHAMPOO_…wait a minute, that's not right.

_Ranma chuckles while the director groans._

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**Sailor Ranko Tunnel Vision Outtakes Scene 1**

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Ranma and Akane hadn't been in Nerima for several weeks and were happy to be back. They were visiting the Tendo dojo for the weekend. Living in Juuban in their new apartment had been an adventure of boredom. Since the wedding, there just hadn't been the usual number of psychos trying to pummel, beat, maim, marry, kidnap or otherwise introduce mayhem into the Ranma Saotome household. In fact, it was rather dull.

**Ranma** _(looking at the narrator)_**:** This is a problem _why?_

**Narrator:** _Um._

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**Sailor Ranko Tunnel Vision Outtakes Scene 2**

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Ranma still taught the other Senshi martial arts to improve the other's battle skills. These lessons were almost always in the form of a guy. Sometimes that cursed old woman with the ladle happened to cross his path. Without easy access to hot water at the dojo, the lesson was with Ranko. However Usagi's whining was really getting on Ranma's nerves. How can this crybaby become a queen someday? Seeing the stress in Ranma, Akane suggested that they spent the weekend away from it all.

So in the span of two hours, the time it took to get from the bus station to the Tendo dojo, Ranma was smacked with a battle spatula, ran over with a bike, listened to really bad poetry and had someone demand payment for his dad's debts. He also had four sex changes. Yes, nothing had changed in Nerima.

**Ranma** _(sighing)_**:** Is it too late for a rewrite?

**Usagi:** Ranma, you're my husband and I love you but please shut up _(turning to glare at the narrator)_ and who are _you_ calling a crybaby.

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**Sailor Ranko Tunnel Vision Outtakes Scene 3**

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"So, you are saying that you want me to leave? I've never told anyone."

"No, no! It's not like that. It's that I want you to be part of my life, but if my secret gets out then I'll have to distance myself because you can get hurt. I can't live with myself if something was to happen to you. Uh, it's err..." Ranko tried to find the right words that didn't involve shoe leather. Carefully she says, "As long as no one knows, I can be with you and you can be with us. Otherwise, bad things can happen. Please don't tell dad or the Tendos or anyone else. I don't want anyone to get hurt because of what we have become."

Mom looked at her daughters eyes and asked, "And what have you become Ranko?"

"I don't know. But I do know this," Ranko then pulled out a pair of Ray-Bans and slipped them on, "I make this look good."

_Ranko and Nodoka crack up._

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**Sailor Ranko Tunnel Vision Outtakes Scene 4**

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"Sun you Jerk!!!" screamed Sailor Io as she once again fired her Lava Blast at her currently female husband. As usual, Sailor Sun stuck her tongue out and easily dodged her attack. Or she would have if she hadn't tripped over a small rock in her path. The Lava Blast soared over her head and headed off-screen where a howling scream was heard. Sun turned around from where she was to see what the scream was while Io looked like she had all the blood drained from her body.

**Sun:** Oh nice going sis. You turned the director into a crispy critter.

**Io** _(starting to sob)_**:** But I didn't _mean_ to.

_Ambulance sirens could be heard in the background. Luckily the director lived but he never sat near the camera during battle scenes ever again._

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**Sailor Ranko Tunnel Vision Outtakes Scene 5**

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Ami, Rei and Makoto got together with Usagi, Akane and Ranma during lunch break. Ami suggested that they all go to the mall after school. In unison, the three late risers produced their detention slips with a dejected look on their faces. Ami said, "Usagi! You have an alarm clock. Why don't you use it?"

"I used it!" cried Usagi. "And I used the snooze button at least three times and it still won't get me up in time for school!"

"What else is new?" Ami sighed, she turned to Ranma, "And what's your excuse Ranma?"

"Uh... Well we were..." Ranma stuttered.

"Training," said Akane. "Yes, we were training again."

Rei smirked, "Let me guess, 8 hour time difference?"

Makoto added, "So what's the damage this time?"

"Rocks, lots of rocks." Akane giggled, "Now if I can get the rocks out of Ranma's head."

"Hey! I won fair and square." Ranma said.

"Rematch?"

"Any time!"

"Ok, bring it on!" Akane stood up and took a fighting stance.

"Now, now you two," glared Makoto, "this isn't Furinkan; we can't be starting fights here."

"Coming from a girl who was kicked out of school for fighting, that is the pot calling the kettle black." Rei then took a sip of her juice and just stretched out on the grass.

"Please sit down Akane and enjoy your lunch," Ami said and looked at

Usagi's hungry eyes, "before it vanishes."

"Well, if you are not hungry..." pleaded Usagi.

"Usagi, how in the world do you not pork out?" Ranma asked. "Akane and I have a strict workout routine so we burn up all of our calories, but how do you do it?"

**Usagi:** Sex, lots and _lots_ of sex. But being my husband, you already knew that.

**Ranma:** Oh yeah.

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**Sailor Ranko Just Add Water Outtakes Scene 6**

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Nabiki exited the subway station near the Tokyo bay waterfront. This was going to be a profitable evening. She had a meeting with Kuno to exchange yen for information. She didn't want to perform the transaction at school. This information was extra juicy and worthy of a meeting at a very expensive restaurant. Kuno of course will be buying. Nabiki grinned. She knew exactly how to manage her pet.

She wore a smart business suit and skirt, heels and looked the part of a lawyer about to show the damning evidence to clinch the case. Only a set of fangs would have made the image of Nabiki fit what she had in mind for the evening. She was going to suck Kuno dry.

**Nabiki:** Thank god he's gay and I don't have to do that for real. I'd prefer Ranma.

**Director** _(shouting)_**:** _Quit ad libbing!_

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**Fist of the Pikachu Outtakes Scene 1**

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"Whew! I thought I was going to stay like that forever!" Ranma ran his hands over his chest and sighed in relief, as he didn't find any additional fullness in his torso.

     "Oh so sorry sir! Cure is only temporary! Cold water will change into girl again! Hot water change back!"

     "Is there any cure for this?"

     "So sorry sir! Not know cure! No good to try and go into Nanniichuan! Spring of Drowned Man! Once cursed by Jusenkyo, waters of other springs no work!"

     Ranma's anger came back with a vengeance as he hauled up the battered body of his father. He shook the panda back to a conscious state as he screamed in his face. "You and your stupid ideas! You just had to drag me here, even though you don't know a word of Chinese! _THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!_"

     "Growf?"

     That was all that Genma Saotome could say before he was severely pummeled and then launched into the air by way of an uppercut to the chin.

     Ranma huffed as he watched his old man soar up into the stratosphere and then went to retrieve his backpack He then stomped off while muttering, "At least I got good distance."

_The director was just scratching his head and wondering what he did wrong in a past life to be stuck directing shows like this._

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**Fist of the Pikachu Outtakes Scene 2**

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     Within the village of the Joketsuzoku, the matriarch known as Cologne was busy adding the final ingredients to a bubbling cauldron. The three hundred-year old Elder cackled as she drew a strange-looking amulet from her robes and held it over the potion. Behind her, the other matriarchs watched with apprehension. 

     "Are you certain that you should be doing this?" Mascara asked.

     "Why not?" Cologne replied as the smoke coming from the cauldron began to swirl around the amulet. "It has been almost three hundred years since that treacherous Happosai had stolen our treasures! With this amulet, we shall at last be able to reclaim our lost magical talismans! This will be our only chance though! The planets are in perfect alignment and the amulet will reach full power within minutes after it is exposed to the vapors of the potion! It will then seek out the mystical energies contained within our treasures and bring them to us, wherever they may be! If Happosai is with them, then he shall be brought to us as well and we shall exact our long-awaited revenge! That in itself justifies the use of our last magical item, does it not?"

     The Elders slowly nodded as they too had long-standing grudges against the perverted master of the Anything Goes Martial Arts. Cologne then sneezed and accidentally dropped the amulet on the floor where it broke.

**Cologne****:** _Damn It!_ That's the _fifth_ one today! Stinking arthritis!

**Director** _(sighing)_**:** Somebody call the prop department and put them on standby just in case. And get me some antacid. This is going to be a _long_ scene.

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**Insertion Outtakes Scene 1**

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"Damn it! I know where I'm going!" muttered Dan angrily.

"Come on! Try to get along will ya? We don't know how long we're stuck like this!" pleaded Carrot. "We've got to try and be good roomies. Okay?"

"Roomies?" muttered Ranma in horror.

"Fine! We'll go your way! Don't come crying to me when we end up in India!" snapped Dan.

"Great!" said Carrot cheerfully. "So, how ya doin, Ranma?"

That did it. "How am I doing? I'm a friggin girl! I'm hearing two different voices inside my head, and I ain't walkin nowhere, but somehow I am! How the hell do you think I'm doin!?"

"Jeez, calm down. There's no need to blow a gasket," said Carrot lazily.

"Calm down?! _CALM DOWN?!!_ Are you nuts?" snapped Ranma. He then grasped his head in pain as loud feedback reverberated in his ears and yanked off a hidden headset he had been wearing.

**Dan** _(in a sing-song voice off-camera)_**:** Oh Mr. Director, Carrot dropped his microphone.

**Carrot** _(off-camera)_**:** Oh blow it out your ass Dan.

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**Insertion Outtakes Scene 2**

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Ranma was sitting at the table with the Tendos, seeming to beam with pride as the panda glared at her angrily. None of the Tendos noticed this, as they were focused on Soun's prone form on the ground just beside the table. He had a cold cloth sitting across his forehead, and tears in his eyes.

"This is all your fault daddy!" said Nabiki.

"Well I assumed that my friend Saotome's son was a boy!" snapped the man in retort.

"Hey! Aren't you going to cop another feel?" said Ranma as she turned her head towards Nabiki and grabbed the girl's hand, pulling it to her chest again.

**Nabiki** _(shrugging)_**:** Okay, sure.

_Ranma-chan and Nabiki then proceed to feel each other up._

_The director is huddled in a ball with a nearly empty bottle of whiskey resting next to his head while sobbing quietly and mumbling about_ 'damn perverts.'

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**Insertion Outtakes Scene 3**

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Meanwhile...

Sailor Pluto frowned, something was wrong. A force of chaos like no other had appeared suddenly. She had been unable to pinpoint it, and it frustrated her to no end. The Senshi weren't scheduled to awaken for some time yet in this universe, not that she realized that it was different from the others. Beryl shouldn't awaken for many years either, but this seemed even worse than her.

Whatever it was, it was crazy, violent, and chaotic. It had to be evil; there was nothing good that combined all three of those qualities.

**Pluto:** Well maybe Los Angeles but I don't think this counts just now.

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**Akane:** Not everybody thinks the whole world revolves around _BOYS!!_

**Nabiki:** You don't know many nymphomaniacs, do you?

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**Ryoga** _(shouting)_**:** _WHERE ON EARTH AM I NOW?!?_

**Ranma** _(in a bad alien disguise)_**:** What makes you think this is Earth?

_Ryoga runs off in a panic, stops suddenly once he realizes who that was then runs back swinging his umbrella. Ranma runs off in the other direction with Ryoga yelling obscenities at him._

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_Akane and Ranma are in the tea room of the Tendo home going over their scripts. Akane is standing while facing the camera and Ranma is sitting in a lotus position also facing the camera. Nabiki, Kasumi, Soun and Genma-panda are sitting around the table behind them also checking their scripts. Akane and Ranma are arguing with the director._

**Akane** _(sounding upset)_**:** Look, are you sure about this? I mean, my character has never used a mallet before so why should I start now?

**Ranma:** She's right you know. What will the fans say?

**Director:** I don't know why you two are arguing about this. I didn't write the script.

**Akane:** But it just seems wrong. Whenever Ranma's character pissed mine off, she would either punch or kick him, or use a nearby blunt instrument. Why a mallet all of a sudden?

**Director:** Look, it's for only one scene and you'll never use it again anyway.

**Ranma:** Fat lot _you_ know. What if the fans latch onto her using it? What if for some reason once the series is over, somebody gets it into their head to write their own stories about us and they have Akane always blowing her top and swinging a mallet around? She'll end up as a horrible caricature.

**Kasumi:** Exactly, and what about me or Nabiki? I'd turn into some sort of airhead and Nabiki would be a money-hungry ice bitch. You think we want that?

**Soun:** And what about Genma and myself? He'll end up as a lazy and brainless coward and I'll be a fountain with legs.

**Panda sign:** Let's not forget about Tatewaki and Ryoga.

**Akane:** _Now_ do you see why I don't like this? We've got to think of our careers here.

**Director:** I doubt any of that will happen. It's not like this show will live forever or anything. Trust me on this.

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**Insertion Outtakes Scene 4**

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"Hate boys! Hate boys! Hate boys! _HATE BOYS!!_" screamed Akane as her morning tradition began.

Ranma blinked and started walking forward with his hands in his pockets lazily. "Oh yeah," he said out loud, as if he'd just remembered something. Akane met the hoards of boys attacking her and he followed just behind her, stepping over fallen bodies, and ducking under the occasional thrown ones.

Finally, they were all defeated leaving her and Ranma about halfway to the doors of the school. The ponytailed boy was standing in the middle of the one time crowd, and looking around idly. He didn't seem particularly concerned with this new development. Finally, he stepped forward, just in time to catch a flying rose from the air.

"What the?" he muttered in confusion. He turned and handed the rose to Akane. "Here, this is probably yours."

"You there! How dare you give a rose of love to Akane Tendo?!" said a new voice from behind a nearby tree.

"What are you so worried about? It wasn't intended for me, and she's the only other person standing right now. At least, I hope it wasn't for me," said Ranma calmly as he turned to face the boy who had stepped from behind the trunk.

**Kuno:** Well I do find you attractive and I am single at the moment. Would you like to go out sometime?

**Director:** Tatewaki, this is not the time to hit on guys. Let alone the main character.

**Kuno** _(sighing)_**:** Fine, whatever.

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**Insertion Outtakes Scene 5**

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Kuno was still just behind them, waving the bokuten around angrily. "Hold still knave! Receive your punishment!"

Ranma stopped cold and turned to face the boy. "But...wouldn't that be stupid?"

"It is fitting that you do so to not exert me. After all, it is inevitable that I will be victorious!" said Kuno as he stood proudly and puffed out his chest.

"Not really, I beat you earlier pretty easy," continued Ranma as he looked thoughtful for a moment.

"I do not admit defeat!" snapped Kuno as he glared at the boy.

"That doesn't change the fact that you were beaten," pointed out Ranma. "Whether you admit it or not is irrelevant."

**Kuno:** Oh, you've got a point there.

**Director** _(sounding put-upon)_**:** Tatewaki, you aren't supposed to agree with him.

**Kuno:** Well excuse _me_ for thinking logically.

**Director** _(whining)_**:** Why me?

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**Insertion Outtakes Scene 6**

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At that moment, Kuno rushed out the doors. "Have at thee!"

"Okay! You asked for it!" said Ranma as cheerfully as ever. He charged the kendoist head on.

Kuno slashed and missed as Ranma danced around his strikes, punching and kicking at the older boy viciously. Kuno staggered back and grunted after a dozen or so strikes hit him.

"Hey. Does that hurt?" said Ranma as he hopped up and down unharmed nearby.

"Yes!" snapped Kuno irritably as he rubbed his jaw.

"Okay, I just wanted to make sure you knew you were being defeated," said Ranma with a merry looking grin.

"I do not admit defeat!" snapped Kuno.

"I thought we went over this earlier," muttered Ranma in mock confusion as he avoided more strikes from the kendoist.

"You cannot defeat me!" said Kuno as his bokuten suddenly became a blur of motion in front of him.

"Sure I can!" said Ranma as he jumped up and back from the strikes. The blows shredded his clothes a little, but did no real damage. Behind him, a statue crumbled to dust.

Kuno finally faltered in his attack, and Ranma winked at him. Then, the ponytailed boy rushed forward, slamming his fist into his gut. "The mighty Blue Thunder has never felt defeat!" roared the kendoist as he pulled back and prepared to strike again.

"Really? Well," elbow, "this," punch, "is," kick, "what," uppercut, "defeat," knee, "feels," bitch slap, "like."

Kuno fell to his knees, leaning against his bokuten. "I fight on!"

Ranma punched him dead in the face, sending him sprawling across the ground on his back. He was still awake, but could obviously not move. "So now you know," said the boy cheerfully as he looked down at his fallen opponent.

"I feel nothing!" announced Kuno.

"That's because your nerves are in shock," commented Ranma lazily as he walked back towards the school. The crowd that had followed them parted in his wake. "It'll hurt later." As Ranma wandered off, Kuno was heard to say, "They don't pay me enough for this aggravation."

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**Insertion Outtakes Scene 7**

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Tatewaki Kuno sat in his room, deep in meditation. "I was almost defeated this day. Thankfully, my superior skill allowed me to escape such humiliation. Thus, I must think of a way to lay this sorcerer low."

And he puzzled, and puzzed, till his puzzler was sore. Then Kuno had an idea. Tatewaki Kuno, got a wonderful, awful, idea. "I know just what to do!" Kuno laughed in his throat. "I'll make a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat!" Kuno paused. Perhaps that would not be of much help after all. He continued to think.

**Kuno:** I got to stop reading so much Dr. Seuss before bed.

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**Legend of Ranma Outtakes Scene 1**

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In a place known as Mount Phoenix, a certain godling by the name of Saffron watched a scene unfold in the waters of a mystic well. The images depicted a strange young man with pointed ears who was actually battling against a huge dragon and was winning.

"Very interesting." Saffron turned to one his underlings. "I did not think that the Amazons had anyone who had the power to battle the dragon. Apparently, even the powers of the Musk Dynasty were not enough to bend those Amazons to my will. Are you certain that no one had seen this man before?"

"No my lord. We are not certain if this stranger is an ally of the Amazons or a stranger."

"I sense a great power within him. Something that I had never sensed before! A source of power that is... not of this world! I would have this power!"

**Underling:** Don't you think that was a little too much like Kuno sir?

**Saffron:** Hey, I'm just following the script.

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**Soul's Destiny, Blood's Inheritance Outtakes Scene 1**

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Walking through the sector of the silver palace which he was allowed, Ranma made his way to the gardens. Gracefully leaping into the lowest branch of a tree, he pulled out his flute and started to play. In the middle of his song a bright flash of light shone a few yards away. When the light disappeared, a girl, possibly his own age, was seen to fall to the ground with grave wounds decorating her body.

Quickly jumping down to help her, Ranma saw her try to get up again. "Shhhh. Stay down, you'll only hurt yourself worse."

Looking up at him, she managed out a few words between gasps, "I n... need t.. to. see Q- Queen Ser.. Serenity. P.. please. It's im... portant. I…if I don't ge…get this p…pizza to her in th…thirty minutes or l…less, it's coming out of my p…paycheck."

_Ranma fell down laughing at that._

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**Soul's Destiny, Blood's Inheritance Outtakes Scene 2**

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On the train, Ranma and Tenchi got acquainted with one another, as they would be roommates on this mission to get better. Ranma was glad he had his wallet and credit cards with him, as Nabiki was sure to go through his stuff. Ranma and Tenchi were quick to share tales of their lives. They shared the other's pain when it came to women troubles and laughter when it came to the oddest memories. Tenchi was a little surprised to hear about the curse, yet was not disgusted and did not tease Ranma about it, for which Ranma was glad.

The fast friends soon found themselves at their stop and quickly found their way to the resort, each helping the other when it looked like their wounds were getting the better of them.

Walking to the front desk, Tenchi and Ranma were intercepted by a girl with the oddest hairstyle running up to them. "Hi!!! I recognize you! You were the guy who saved my life at the bank robbery two months ago! My name's Usagi. It must be karma that I saw you today, and here of all places! What's your name?! Are you staying here too? You wanna go somewhere and make out? I think you're cute. Wanna be my boyfriend?"

**Director:** Usagi, you're not supposed to be so forward with Ranma. I don't _care_ if the two of you are married; this isn't a Ranma and Usagi match-up story.

**Usagi** _(sounding dejected)_**:** Oh crud.

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**Soul's Destiny, Blood's Inheritance Outtakes Scene 3**

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Ranma was about to ask the girl how she had been over the past two months when he was interrupted. "Gee odango-atama," came a male voice, "what'd you do? Run into one of the poor customers like a freight train like you always do?"

Usagi's face turned a deep red as Ranma raised an eyebrow. "Odango-atama??" Ranma asked, "You really shouldn't be interrupting other people's conversations with insults like that. That one was really poor. Not to mention you directing it at a lovely girl here who doesn't deserve such a comment from what I've seen."

Usagi blushed, and her smile returned. "Thanks Ranma!!" she said hugging him. Then sticking her tongue out at the man behind her and rubbing up against Ranma she replied, "What are YOU doing here Mamoron?!?"

**Director** _(sighing)_**:** Usagi, _please_ don't adlib so much. And tone down the public display of affection please.

**Usagi** _(blushing)_**:** _Oops,_ sorry.

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**Soul's Destiny, Blood's Inheritance Outtakes Scene 4**

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Unlocking the room, Tenchi allowed them all in, and set his stuff down. After Mamoru dropped his luggage, Ranma went in and got out the pain medication and the bandages he would need. Taking off his shirt, Ranma heard the girls gasp, and shook his head. 'They act like they've never seen a guy half naked before. I haven't even shown them the wound yet.'

To his surprise, Ami came over and helped him get the dressing off. "Here, I'll help you with that. Raye? Would you get me some hot water from the bathroom? Usagi, get him a new shirt and put this one to soak in the sink."

Both girls went to do what they were told, while the black-haired miko was grumbling under her breath. "This isn't based on the North American dub for crying out loud. Can't she get my name right? Jeez."

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**Soul's Destiny, Blood's Inheritance Outtakes Scene 5**

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Suddenly, a group of people from the deeper end started to scream and started to paddle out of the water. Something like a dragon made of water rose out of a wave and collapsed, while launching some sort of water like breath at the people. Hikari grabbed the twins and started to high tail it out of the pool, while the rest started swimming to shore also, the life guard frantically blowing his whistle. One girl however, seemed stunned as she watched the thing rise out of the water and return. Ranma started to make his way towards her when she was pulled under, and he heard a watery voice say, "Your energy is mine, girl of magic."

Ranma plowed under to see energy flowing from her into a specific spot in the water as she drowned. Focusing a chi attack, Ranma launched it at the energy ball, dissipating it and making whatever it was lose its hold on the girl. Grabbing her, Ranma started making strong strokes to shore, and quickly got to where the water was knee deep. A young man his age came and grabbed the girl as she was coughing up water, calling her name.

"Are you her brother?" Ranma asked.

The guy nodded and held out his hand, "Toya and this is my little sister, Sakura."

"Ranma," he said as he turned and muttered, "There's something in the water that's trying to drag people down."

Toya looked at Ranma and then at the water. "Thanks for saving her," he said, walking to shore. Ranma just nodded and turned himself. Just as he was about to take a step, he heard Sakura complain, "I agreed to a bit part and _this_ is what happens? I need to fire my agent."

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Author's Notes:

Okay, by a show of hands, who here knows that none of these characters belong to me? All of you do. Good. If this installment isn't as funny as the first two, I apologize. I've been sweating to death here lately since my apartment has no A.C. and I've been in a bit of a mood as well. First off, let me mention that all the Sailor Ranko fics I used are from the mind of burgerbill, 'Fist of the Pikachu' and 'Legend of Ranma' came from Hung Nguyen, you can blame Carrotglace for 'Insertion,' I know I do [heh] just kidding, and the lovely and talented kokatsu na tenshi brought 'Soul's Destiny, Blood's Inheritance' to the fic table. I wish I could have done better than I did though concerning the bloopers. At least some of my ideas were in here.

I of course welcome reviews and constructive criticism. If anyone has any ideas for bloopers, just email me. As always, remember my motto. "My fic, my rules." See you in the funny papers.


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